Discovering Myself and Mommy Guilt

I homeschool my kids. But time has become an issue. This fall, Nathan is going into fourth grade and Emily into kindergarten. Of course I have a 1 year old and 3 year old too. At the same time, this blog has really taken off and it’s become more of a part time job.

I used to hesitate when it came to moving forward blogging-wise because I was afraid. And that little thing called mommy guilt. You see, I never thought I would do anything besides take care of the kids. It’s how I was raised. You’ll be a wife and a mom when you grow up and take care of your husband and children. That’s the only job you should ever do.

Plus I’ve had such low self-esteem my whole life, the thought of me doing something like this was incomprehensible to me. Even as opportunities, started coming my way, I didn’t believe it.

Until recently, when I started getting tired of living that way.

I love writing. I love blogging. And to be able to take something I love and use that to contribute to my family – both financially and with some amazing opportunities – all the while staying home with my kids, has been pretty awesome. I’ve started embracing life as a mom blogger. It’s exciting and I love it.

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I’m not looking to go to California for every blog event, but I’d love to take advantage of more opportunities that come my way. Things that do take time, but still allow me to stay home with my kids.

This summer has been great. I’m able to get a lot of blogging done yet still spend time with my kids. But this fall, when we start homeschooling again, something’s gotta give. I can’t do it all.

So I consider our decision to homeschool. And feel guilty. I don’t know whether the guilt is because I should feel guilty or if it’s just old ghosts nagging at me. Ghosts that I need to kick out, throw away the key, and never look back on. Or is it the typical mommy guilt where I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, regardless of what I do? I don’t know.

love being with my kids and I have no desire to leave them and go out into the work world. I’m just at the point where I’m ready to embrace who I am – a writer, a blogger, and a mom.

So what do I do? Put the kids in school?

I’m blessed to have an incredibly supportive husband. Nate is my biggest fan when it comes to my blogging. And staying home with the kids. He’s not one of those husbands that expects me to stay home and homeschool. No. It’s a mutual decision.

So just put the kids in school, you say.

Well it’s not as simple as that. Our local public school isn’t very good and I wouldn’t be confident the kids would get a good education. Private schools are expensive and there’s not many options around here. We could look into scholarship or financial aid funds (I don’t make that much with blogging!) But I have my doubts.

Chances are, I will keep homeschooling – at least for this year. But after that? I don’t know. I’ll be spending lots of time praying.

Erika
About the Author

Erika, the founder of Musings From a SAHM, is happily married and a homeschooling mom to four children. She lives in New Hampshire and has a passion for writing, encouraging other moms, her family, and Jesus. She also enjoys baking, spending time with friends, and is an aspiring photographer.

Comments

  1. Mara
    Twitter:
    says:

    Sounds like a hard decision to make… Well, what about complementing what they would learn at school? That way you make sure they learn all they should be learning. Dunno if thats a good idea but it might be worth trying..

  2. 1) Remove the guilt feeling because you are not doing anything wrong.

    2) Organize the time. Do a schedule for classes, house work and your home job.

    3) Do you realize how lucky you are? Not all of the mothers are able to take care of and educate their children at the same time like you do.

  3. Lindsey G. says:

    I am a teacher, so I work, but have the summers off. I love being home with my baby (she just turned 8 months), but sometimes she is very stubborn and it drives me a little crazy. I wish I could stay home full time and even home school her when the time comes, but there is no way we could afford that right now. I just hate the idea that someone else is pretty much raising my child. Right now she goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:00, so once school starts back, that means I only get to see her about 3 hours a day. I hope that you are able to make the decision that benefits you and your family best. I completely understand about the guilt, especially as a new, first time mom, because I feel it all the time. May God guide you in all you do today, tomorrow, and always.

  4. As a single, working mother and blogger I’m asking myself this question every year. Next week I start a new job. Although it will be an at-home job, the first three weeks are outside the home. With homeschool starting a little early this year I didn’t think it would be possible to do it all, but the Lord seems to be paving the way for me.

    I’ve had a lot of obstacles that would point to the futility of my insistence to homeschool my son, family is the biggest issue. They question whether I can do it and still make enough money to support my son and I. They can’t see how strongly I feel that God wants me to continue homeschooling. Sometimes I see it as stubbornness on my part, but just the thought of putting my son in the only school available to me (public) makes me cringe.

    It would be a blessing to have more choices, but then I am thankful this journey isn’t easier. Not only am I learning to balance my time and efforts, but my son is learning valuable lessons also. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Lynda recently posted..Staying Positive and Finding JoyMy Profile

  5. Julia Reffner
    Twitter:
    says:

    Wow, I found myself drawn to this post because I’ve felt the same way with my writing at times. One thing that helps me is to take it year by year and remember God will prepare you for what you need to do when its his timing. Balancing is hard, but God reminds me this is one short season of my life.

    And that doesn’t necessarily mean you should give up blogging at all. The very fact that God has given you a passion to do it. I guess if he has given you a passion for both then its asking for discernment and balance.

    I say these things because I don’t have it figured out for myself yet either. No magical answers, just taking it day by day with His grace.

    • So true, Julia – I know God will guide me. I had a good talk with my husband last night and we’re going to pray together and we came up with a plan to explore other options, but make it work in the meantime.
      Day by day…yes. Thank you for taking the time to share.
      Erika recently posted..Poppy Seed Muffins RecipeMy Profile

  6. I am looking to put my preschoolers in school. I have a few moms in my neighborhood who homeschool and I am amazed at your ability to juggle mom, teacher, wife, cooking, cleaning not to mention blogging! How do you have time for guilt, lol?

    Maybe you could put the oldest in private school, and each child enters school at a certain age. If you put the children in the public school, there are still plenty of opportunities to be involved in the school/classroom. Since the public schools are not doing well, they probably need more parents like you.
    Barbara recently posted..Free Weekend Events, July 13-15My Profile

    • Barbara, that is what we are considering doing now. I realize I have no concerns at all about homeschooling Emily – kindergarten is easy to do. It’s my oldest, who is super smart and I feel like I’m not able to devote the time he needs to help fuel his desire for learning. And that’s so important at this age. We’re going to look into the private school option and go from there. I know if that’s God wants for us, He will open the door. And if not, we will figure it out.

      That’s a good point about the public schools. Thanks for stopping by – I really appreciate your insight!
      Erika recently posted..Poppy Seed Muffins RecipeMy Profile

  7. I totally feel your pain. As a single parent, I would love to homeschool but can’t do to my job and financial obligations being the breadwinner. Have you considered homeschooling groups? These are like minded parents willing to pool resources so that kids can get homeschooled. I was thinking of something like that for my children.

    • Heather, yes we have. There’s just not a lot of resources for homeschooling around here in New Hampshire. There’s one group I know of, but it’s only supplementary, I would have to devote a lot of time to helping out, and it’s 45 minutes away – it’s just not feasible. We go to a big church too and we’re only one of about 3 families that homeschool that I know of.
      Thanks for commenting! :)
      Erika recently posted..Poppy Seed Muffins RecipeMy Profile

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