Ramblings From Me: Confidence

I’m not a very confident person. In fact, I’m incredibly un-confident (I don’t think that’s a word, but I’m going to use it anyways.)

I second guess myself on every move. Whether it’s being a mom, a wife, a friend, what I should bring to a cookout, a simple conversation with someone. Blogging.

I worry that I might say or do the “wrong” thing and make someone mad. Offend someone or hurt them. Or they simply might not like what I did, or worse me.

Whether it’s a combination of it being my personality and the fact that as a child, nothing I did was ever quite good enough, it’s something I deal with everyday.

I started this blog back in 2007 as a way to journal my life and my family. You can look back and see those posts. What you don’t know is that I had this blog blocked from public view for the first year or two. I was too afraid for others to see what I wrote.

I’ve lived much of my life as a mom worried about what people will think of me. Especially when Nathan was little. I was a very young mom and these days, young moms often get a bad rap. Even though I was married, not on welfare (see another phase I’ve hesitated to write for fear of offending someone!) and my husband and I were responsible grown adults, I know many looked down on me. As a result of my lack of confidence, I often felt like my head would explode because of the many opinions constantly thrown at me.

Blogging is another way I’ve missed out. I’ve decided not to write many potentially awesome blog articles. I often think of something, but then in my contemplation of the topic and whether someone has already covered it, whether it might offend or hurt someone, and when it comes down to it I wonder if anyone will actually care about what little-ol’-me has to say, I shove it aside. I also read and re-read my articles so much in my race to second-guess myself that it takes forever to actually post something.

Just recently, I saw a need at church and instead of acting on it, I asked someone else their opinion. When they brushed it off, I held back because of course I couldn’t go ahead on my own. And then someone else stepped in and addressed the need and I felt like a fool for not doing anything. My husband pointed out that it’s like I still feel as if I were 18 and had to get permission to do anything and he’s right. Of course that’s not the case: I’m a grown woman with a husband and 4 children, and while I’m not perfect, I’m a pretty great person and I have a lot to offer.

I’m trying to change. My lack of confidence has held me back so much and I’m tired of it. I’ve actually been seeing a counselor for the past 6 months and I’ve made a lot progress. I don’t think I will ever be a person who can confidently speak to a group of strangers (I’m quite shy too.) But I can learn to be more confident in who I am as a wife, mom, blogger, and all the many other things I do.

2 Timothy 2:7 says For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. This verse really spoke to me and I am praying on this everyday.

This post is something I’ve thought about writing many many times over but I’ve always put it aside until now. I know it sounds really pathetic, but I wonder how many others out there who are like me and might be encouraged to know they’re not alone. Even if there aren’t, well this is me. A little insight behind the girl behind the computer.

Erika
About the Author

Erika, the founder of Musings From a SAHM, is happily married and a homeschooling mom to four children. She lives in New Hampshire and has a passion for writing, encouraging other moms, her family, and Jesus. She also enjoys baking, spending time with friends, and is an aspiring photographer.

Comments

  1. Colleen Kranz says:

    Erika,
    I feel like you were talking about me in this post. I feel the same way! I’m so worried about offending people I often don’t suggest my ideas. I second guess every decision I make and every word I say. I feel like it hinders my creativity and out of the box thinking.

    What do you think has made a difference for you?
    Thanks for posting!

    • Hi Colleen, thanks for commenting!
      “Hinders” is a great word for it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of something but been too timid to act on it and then someone thinks of the same thing and everyone is like “Wow! Great idea!” and I’m sitting there feeling left behind because I was too afraid once again.

      I am such a work in progress (aren’t we all?) but what has helped me is to get up each day and remind myself that the Lord made ME for a reason and I need to stop putting myself down so much. Keeping that perspective has helped a lot and when it comes down to it, in the end, it won’t matter that Joe down the street “approved” of me or not, it’s what I do with my life, that I live for Him, and I do my best.
      Erika recently posted..Ramblings From Me: ConfidenceMy Profile

  2. Well Erika it is great to meet you :-) I too have a very low self esteem and worry what others will say a lot. I also struggle with feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere. I feel like I am an outsider to the world most days! So I think that it is great to see I am not alone, and her your journey and see you are changing it little by little!

    I hope that I can be strong like that as well. I walk in fear alot, and I am trying to push that aside and become a more confident and strong women!
    Kelsey Apley recently posted..CVS: FREE UP2U Gum With Coupon Starting 2/26My Profile

  3. Rachel Robertson (Azrael) says:

    Wow you are speaking for a lot of us I’m sure! And I do think unconfident is a word lol I use it all the time

  4. LOVE THIS POST!!!!!!

    I can’t tell you how much I relate, and GOOD for you! So happy you’re stepping out of your comfort zone… that’s when God likes to use people ;) I was just reading about Moses and how he literally argued his case to God that he wasn’t the “person” to use. I think Moses felt a little like we do….. and we see how that went :)

    Hugs,
    Melanie
    Melanie recently posted..American Idol and A Confident Heart {Chapter 6}My Profile

  5. Such a great and honest post. I’m very similar and it holds me back from taking certain leaps. I’m also trying to get better and not worry so much about what others might think, or if I’ll offend someone, etc. Yes, there’s genuine rude people who always offend…but then there’s good people who think they’re going to offend, that really don’t. If anything those good people inspire others, just like you do :) Thanks!
    Brandi Yee recently posted..Meet HaroldMy Profile

    • Thanks Brenda, you are really sweet. I think you said it well – yes there are genuinely rude people who offend, but for the most part good people (like us) really aren’t going to because our hearts are in the right place. And I am also learning that even if I did offend someone, sometimes that is their issue, not mine.
      Erika recently posted..Ramblings From Me: ConfidenceMy Profile

  6. Thanks, Erika. It’s amazing how hard it is to put myself out there without prior approval. I’m working to change this and but it is a slow (tediously slow) process. Your post encouraged me to keep going. I look forward to reading more about your process.
    Joy recently posted..Books in My LibraryMy Profile

  7. We are all “un-confident” to some point… But if it is any help, I think you are doing an amazing job with your blog and I never would have thought you had any of the issues you talk about in your post. You sound very confident and definitely like you know what you are doing! To be honest, your blog is one I visit regularly and often use as a source of learning to grow my own blog in the right direction.

    You are doing a wonderful job and should give yourself credit for all you do. Not to mention homeschooling 4 children! That is one amazing feat in its own. Keep up the good work, and I hope your progress keeps on growing!
    Anna at Mama Writes recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Airplanes!My Profile

  8. Wow, Erika-it looks like you’re not alone; I not only completely relate to what you’re saying but I could’ve written it!! Approval by others has been my crutch for soooo long! I’m a 32 yr old woman w/ a husband and 2 kids and I still fight that. I over-think things and constantly compare myself to others. Do you find yourself doing the compare thing? I’ve tried to stop but sometimes I revert back. As a Christian I know Who to find my confidence in, but my flesh goes back to doubt. Gosh, we should start a blog on becoming uplifted, confident women of God!! ;) It’s incredibly reassuring that there are so many others who struggle along w/ me (us). Thanks for being so honest and know that God used you in your post today. I really feel like I needed to read this.

    annae07 at aol dot com

    • We are much alike, Amy! Approval from others is a big issue for me and I often find myself comparing. Thank you for sharing with me – it means a lot to hear from others like this. Not in a “I need approval kind of a way”(haha) but in a I’m-thankful-I-can-encourage others way. :)
      You are definitely not alone and this has been a real eye-opening week for me in that there are so many others like us. Do you have a blog? I’d love to check it out if you do.
      Feel free to email me anytime – musingsfromasahm at gmail dot com.

      ((HUGS))
      Erika recently posted..Interesting Facts on MothersMy Profile

  9. Jo-Ann Brightman
    Twitter:
    says:

    I love this post and i am sure that your confidence will build as you continue to do different things

  10. Hi Erika, I’m sorry to hear that you deal with a lack of self-confidence. I have watched friends and family struggle with this issue and I know that it can be difficult to overcome. While I am quite self-confident I do tend to analyze things to death. It sounds like perhaps you have a touch of that as well:)
    I can also tell that you are consistent, dedicated, honest, and caring. I have never meet you, but it comes through in my blogging business with you.
    I hope you continue to grow confidence in yourself and understand the value you bring to every situation. Remember there is only one YOU:) And you are awesome!
    Alicia recently posted..EZ SOX Review & GiveawayMy Profile

  11. I have those issues from time to time. Perfect scripture when dealing with those feelings. Good job on this post. Praying for your confidence. God Bless.

  12. Stephani Holmes says:

    I could relate to this post, and I really appreciate you writing this for all of us to view! I feel as though I have so much to share with the world, but my lack of confidence hinders me from shining. I wrote down that verse you shared, and am going to pray on it. I am in hopes that God helps me!

    Blessings,
    Stephani

  13. Good for you!! :) Controversy grows us. :) Praise God you are leaning on Him for this also!

  14. Tiffany Cruz
    Twitter:
    says:

    I love your honesty! I also felt like you were writing this about me. I’m trying to be more confidant in what I believe. Thanks for such a great and honest post :)
    Tiffany Cruz recently posted..Vulli Sophie The Giraffe Teether ReviewMy Profile

  15. There is so much to speak on this subject. I have been on the quiet side and have felt like this many times. We are all like this to some degree. I think it depends on the topic. As I have gotten older this has changed and I realized most of this is nonsense. If I could have all that time back that was wasted. So now realize that if you are doing your best and being yourself and not hurting others be yourself and don’t worry about it. It is that simple. You can do all things thru God who strengths you. There is a medicine out there for high blood pressure that blocks the anxiety feelings that people take before a speech etc. Barbara Stiestand suffers from severe anxiety before every show she puts on. Isn’t that funny? Remember you are wonderful and unique and you aren’t suppose to say everything just like others. You are to be yourself and proud of it!!!! God lives in you. Thanks for sharing. My Grandfather used to say to me when I did a piano recital just pretend they are a bunch of cabbage heads!

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